Daddy’s advice for driving in inclement weather was to drive through it. Stopping would accomplish but driving on would eventually bring you through it. And this is what I saw him do until one drive in the early morning hours before dawn. We were driving from Fayetteville, Arkansas to Oklahoma City. Snow started to fall. Big, round puffs falling fast toward the windshield against a backdrop of pitch. Daddy pulled the car to the side of the road and stopped. I remember him getting out of the car to clear his head. The falling snow blowing fast against the car against that ink black sky had him disoriented. He couldn’t see clearly, think clearly and he knew to stop.
Here it’s the rain. Rain coming so hard you can barely see the front end of your car. But I keep going. We may be moving slow, creeping along, maybe even with flashers on but we keep moving forward. Our vision is obscured but we are not disoriented from it. Hampered, slowed, challenged, but we can go on.
It hasn’t been rain or snow around here but grief. Grief is pouring down and darkening the way of people I know both near and far. It clouds their vision and impairs the senses. And when it isn’t grief it’s the past. And if it’s not the past it’s addiction and relapse. Or it’s…….Was it Roseanne Rosanna Danna that use to say “it’s always something”?
And it makes me ask how big is my heart? Surely it’s bigger than what I ever knew because I hold these burdens, prayers, friends, questions, all I hold in my heart. It’s all I can do, it seems. I have no answers for when the pain will pass, when the cloud of grief will lighten, when the past will fade from view. I don’t know. So I hold them in my heart, close where it’s warm and the place God knows. God knows. I tell them often He knows but that’s not what is wanted. How do you tell one to wait, it will get better? It’s hard, so hard. I want to believe for them. At least until the light dawns to push through their clouds.
Do I tell them to keep driving through the storm? Or is it time to pull over and rest?
There was a storm on the sea tossing the small boat violently about. Jesus was on the boat sleeping through the storm. The others, experienced on the water, were fearful of their destruction. They woke Jesus calling for him to help. And he did. He calmed the storm. With his words, his breath went across the sea and the winds stopped, the waves calmed. They were saved. It’s the only answer I know. Jesus.