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Homeward Bound

Homeward bound
Home, where my thought’s escaping
Home, where my music’s playing
Home, where my love lies waiting
Silently for me – Simon & Garfunkle

Today I fly home. There is something about a long journey that helps process things more. We’ve driven the roads from Ft. Lauderdale to Yakima before. Long ago when our children were young. We were young. It was an adventure then. One that left mama and I holding back tears when it was time to say goodbye. Knowing the distance would keep our visits to once a year. Phone calls, lengthy monthly calls. flying, a necessity, but the mind, the heart need more time to say goodbye before slipping into the next role. The heart needs to feel the heaviness of leaving, the longing of wanting more.

It was 1971. That spring my parents divorced. My brother was 11, me coming up on 14. It was mama’s decision to allow my brother to go with dad at the end of the school year. A boy needed his father at this age. How can a heart love enough to give up one? Sacrificial really.

Two years later mama would remarry and I would decide to move with dad. I didn’t tell her. I went for the summer and stayed. Secrets you know. Already bred in this family. Daddy had been married for some time but I was selfish with mama, not wanting to share so I moved. She let me go. Another act of courage. Great love. Love I nevr understood until becoming a parent.

And now it’s my turn. To love in a way I never understood. I want home. The home where my music plays and my quiet love awaits. But I want to be here too and hold her hand as we walk to the car. To have her look for me, making sure I’m near. I don’t want to leave this woman again. But she taught me. She showed me the hard sacrifice of love. Love that must leave, love that allows one to go. Love that hurts.

What a time to contemplate this. The time Jesus made his sacrifice for us. Love. A love unending. His love for me. Mine for him. Mine for mama. She showed me the way.

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15 thoughts on “Homeward Bound

  1. Debby–I’m so glad for you and the fact that you can honestly face the difficulties of leaving and loving. This is an honest post about a very difficult issue. I thank you for sharing your journey with us. I like your tying Jesus and His leaving into the post. Leaving the Father to come to us, leaving us to return to the Father… thank you.

    • Heidi, He seems to teach me best through family. I am so grateful for that even though they haven’t been the easiest lessons to learn. Thank you for your continual encouragement.

  2. Debby how precious, I know your Mom holds you close in her heart, even though the mind may not always remember, a mother’s heart always does

  3. Homeword. Yay! Missing you, thinking about your journey in WA. I know you were posting … But your journey is a very sobering one without getting some blog hugs . Mucho love, mel

    • Mel, my heart is heavy for you at this time and the unexpected journey you are beginning. Do know you have many here with arms open and prayers said. Tell us how we can best help, dear one. Holding you close!

  4. Pingback: saying goodbye « It's not really about me…

  5. Debby – What a beautiful post about two amazing women – the one you’ve just left and the one you’ve become.
    Homeward bound, together. You’ll just arrive on different days – but what a reunion that will be!
    Debbie

    • Thanks, Debbie. I like that – we’ll just arrive on different days. Sometimes I think she’s already there, getting an early glimpse of things. When she hums and sings to herself. I do look for the sweet reunion.

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