Home, where my thought’s escaping
Home, where my music’s playing
Home, where my love lies waiting
Silently for me – Simon & Garfunkle
Today I fly home. There is something about a long journey that helps process things more. We’ve driven the roads from Ft. Lauderdale to Yakima before. Long ago when our children were young. We were young. It was an adventure then. One that left mama and I holding back tears when it was time to say goodbye. Knowing the distance would keep our visits to once a year. Phone calls, lengthy monthly calls. flying, a necessity, but the mind, the heart need more time to say goodbye before slipping into the next role. The heart needs to feel the heaviness of leaving, the longing of wanting more.
It was 1971. That spring my parents divorced. My brother was 11, me coming up on 14. It was mama’s decision to allow my brother to go with dad at the end of the school year. A boy needed his father at this age. How can a heart love enough to give up one? Sacrificial really.
Two years later mama would remarry and I would decide to move with dad. I didn’t tell her. I went for the summer and stayed. Secrets you know. Already bred in this family. Daddy had been married for some time but I was selfish with mama, not wanting to share so I moved. She let me go. Another act of courage. Great love. Love I nevr understood until becoming a parent.
And now it’s my turn. To love in a way I never understood. I want home. The home where my music plays and my quiet love awaits. But I want to be here too and hold her hand as we walk to the car. To have her look for me, making sure I’m near. I don’t want to leave this woman again. But she taught me. She showed me the hard sacrifice of love. Love that must leave, love that allows one to go. Love that hurts.
What a time to contemplate this. The time Jesus made his sacrifice for us. Love. A love unending. His love for me. Mine for him. Mine for mama. She showed me the way.