We walked across the camp grounds, my daughter and I, when she said “I like it when she wants to hold my hand”. Her daughter, 4, has that way of reaching up onto your hand and into your heart and you want to keep holding on. She says it with words too, not just action and she likes feeling her hand in yours.
There will come a time when independce is preferred and you have to take theirs in your hand. Remember wanting to cross the street by yourself or prove you can keep your hands your pocket or behind your back when your mom took you into a store? Sometimes the safest place is to have their hand in yours.
It’s been a long time since I’ve held mama’s hand. Maybe reaching out to steady her now and again as she ambled across uneven terrain or left her “stick” (cane) at home. When I visited her in March I found myself reaching for her hand and holding on for safety. Security. She needed blood work and other tests done and getting her from the car to the Dr’s office and hospital was best navigated holding her hand. Like a child, I could easier direct her way and keep her from harm of wandering off. Unsure of where she was and what was going on around her to take her hand offered comfort. Made her feel safe and she was.
Me taking her hand. Not mother and child but child and mother. The roles have changed and who could have seen this coming? Not living there I never know what to expect one visit to the next. I try to expect little other than to give and let go. Let go of how I’d like life to be.
I’m glad she took my hand. Welcomed my reach and looked to me for answers when they asked. she never says my name but will call me sis sometimes and that’s okay. Any sign of familiarity or recognition, no matter how slight, is a gift.
The old hymn my dad loved comes to my mind. Its chorus singing
“He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,That shadows a dry, thirsty land;He hideth my life in the depths of His love,And covers me there with His hand,And covers me there with His hand.”
It’s His hand, Gods hand that covers me. Covers us both as we walk hand in hand with His grace.