You can tell me that every path or journey in life is unknown and I wouldn’t argue with you. But.
But, there has been a predictable sense about them. One I’ve watched walk ahead. They’ve marked the way and left signposts of where to turn or when it’s time to stop and rest. They’ve shown me it’s best not to journey alone, even though I still try to make my own way.
But…here we stand, he and I together, facing the biggest unknown part of the path.
In the early days of walking together the way was filled with hope and joyful anticipation. Marriage, babies, purposeful work and growing friendships. There were unexpected curves, setbacks and roadblocks but we were young and had family to cheer us on.
We no longer have our parents voices to encourage. Our work separates us from those who know us best. The ones who see past the veneer necessary on some days to do what we do.
The path seems to be heading into a heavy mist that makes sight difficult. I can’t see any signs posted, no directions clearly marking the way.
Our journey together is taking us to retirement which initially filled me with excited anticipation but now fills me with anxiety. I’m straining to see what isn’t to be seen.
I’m trying to live tomorrow instead of continuing to live today.
More than ever I’m missing our parents who never failed to encourage and held much wisdom. I’m flat out scared.
Life is hard to live one day at a time when I’m the one who wants to direct every step.
So I am telling myself to slow down. This isn’t a journey to be rushed but savored. This isn’t a race to win but a trek to finish strong.
There is much grieving on this part of the journey. Grief from not just loss of life but loss of youth and loss of the known or at least familiar. This portion isn’t for the faint of heart even though many days that feels like me.
I am not alone. God has come beside in many ways. He’s just waiting for me to stop looking ahead and recognize he’s next to me in my husband, our children, our friends. He’s there, ahead and he’s here today.
They will name him Immanuel (Hebrew for “God is with us”).
Matthew 1:23 the Message