I don’t like staying at other peoples homes. I can’t rest. Not like I can when I’m at home – our home, where I know the sounds of our neighborhood and creaks of our stairs.
Going to mom’s house was the exception. It didn’t matter her last two houses were places I only visited as an adult, I could walk in and feel like I belonged. I would help myself to her kitchen and make myself at home.
The past few years this home has faded as it wasn’t the house but her, that represented home. Mama = home.
Alzheimer’s invaded our home and took that place of safety away from us.
It’s been 10 years since we noticed the beginning of this fade. Five years since she had to leave her house for her own safety. Her body was okay, her mind slipping further and further away.
A couple of months ago I had two dreams in which she died. Both times, I woke not feeling anxious but feeling as though her death would come soon and I felt at peace with that. But when the text came from my sister that she was being taken to the hospital with a fever and rapid heart beat the anxiety rushed full force and the tears burst out in that ugly way.
The texts continued throughout the day, each one with news more desperate and the realization that this earthly home of hers is fading as God prepares to take her to her eternal home. So we wait. We wait knowing she has long been with Jesus and she will soon be released. This does little to ease my sorrow at the final loss of mama.
I need time away from this cyber home so I’ll be taking a bit of a sabbatical from the blog. That’s all I know for now and it’s enough. I covet your prayers for peace and a renewed vision for life. Your comments, emails, etc. are much appreciated and know that while I may not answer them, your words are reaching my heart.
All is grace,
P.S. Mama passed from this world May 12, taking her rightful place in heaven where she is now restored and complete in our Savior’s love.