Soul sister

Sometimes we have men in the program who decide all they need in recovery is God. He will be their sponsor and they can’t see that God uses others to work through. He uses AA and NA and Celebrate Recovery and others who have been there before and God Works Through People. A lot. If he didn’t, I’d be lost. He uses all kinds of people to reach me and teach me about Him. Amazing, really, this incredible God.

Obviously, I don't put much stock in "fortune" cookies.
Obviously, I don’t put much stock in “fortune” cookies.

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feelingBlue

It was in one of those exchanges with a dear friend, she was trying to get out of a funk and I wasn’t helping and we were going back and forth with email. She was prodding and I needed it and there are things I need to say but can’t quite get out and so it just hung in the air for a bit. I can wear people out with this, I can. Could be why I don’t have more friends! πŸ˜‰ So I went to bed with that feeling that I was missing something and allowing my feelings to dictate my thoughts. And feelings lie. Sleep came hard and sound and I awoke to a different mind and had to let her know it’s okay. The funk and moments of not “feeling” what we think we should feel are just that: moments. They are not us. Not me. So I wrote her this:

Here’s why we’re okay. We are intentional. We are. We keep searching, giving, sharing, wanting and loving. On purpose. Because we want this life God offers. We want to be his child and even when we may not “feel” it or the feelings seem sucked out of us (okay, maybe I’m talking about me) or wonder if I can even get it right and escape the demons that chase after us, in the midst of all that, we don’t leave his side. We still search for the words, the truth that brings hope and assurance that nothing separates us from his love. When I know I’m but dust and feel like the dust he wants to shake off his sandals, I see the lies trying to swallow me and I keep hanging on. I hang on with you and that is huge. I hang on with people I’ve never met as I read their words on the screen and feel my heart beat in every letter typed out before me. God is calling my name in all these places. Our name he echoes through the empty places that sometimes sweep over. And somewhere deep within I know it’s not me but his strength that claws for every piece of ground I stand on. That’s us. You and me. I know it. And we’ll be okay. It might not feel like it but We are.

Too often I find it hard to be me with others. Instead, I’m a “company-friendly” version of me. But not this one. Not her. And I am SO thankful for that. Thankful God works through others. I’m trying to get out of His way so He can work through me too.

 

9 Comments

  1. judikruis said:

    Sometimes even fortune cookies know. I can so relate to this phrase “And somewhere deep within I know it’s not me but his strength that claws for every piece of ground I stand on.” Thankfully they are moments and He does set us on higher ground. We will overcome!!

    February 20, 2013
    Reply
    • Debby said:

      I seem to keep finding that higher ground in the midst of the most unlikely folks. You know about that, I’m sure, Judi.

      February 20, 2013
      Reply
      • judikruis said:

        today I describe it as flying a kite and doing a dance with the wind while trying to ignore but work with the leg iron that has one foot immovable. s t r e t c h

        February 20, 2013
        Reply
        • Debby said:

          As I picture it in my head that would be stretch for sure! But you are anchored, yet bending and still reaching up. That’s not a bad posture at all, Judi.

          February 21, 2013
          Reply
          • judikruis said:

            You gave me a new picture of it. Thank you – thank you!

            February 21, 2013
  2. iamnotshe said:

    This is such a beautiful post. Debby, I think we have similar temperaments? I prayed a lot last night for God to reconsider me. The swinging and swaying, bending; falling and getting up is exhausting without feeling like there is a “hand” in the situation, keeping me from hitting the unfortunate swoops that life presents to us. XO

    February 21, 2013
    Reply
  3. iamnotshe said:

    You rock my friend. I love the fact that you AND I “live out loud”. I don’t know any other way. Angela, my “life coach” says that (in reference to Don) and I assume EVERYONE i know: I am the “emotional” one. I don’t think that is a bad thing. I have some friends who knock me for being “emotional”. To me, life is a bore if i SUCK everything in. It’s not possible, and it’s quite B O R I N G.

    I believe i’ve been told that i’m full of “drama”. I am NOT going to take that to heart. I am just me.

    I am going to try and think how God would see me: As me. As OK, as someone who cares and considers MANY different points of view (which does not make me a majorly stoic parker). Uh uh. But that’s OK. I have a wonderful stoic man, and I have you, Debbie and Heidi who keep me grounded with your TRUTHS and your goodness.

    I believe it IS the artist in us, and the PERCEPTIVENESS in us. We aren’t brain dead. I think feelings are a good thing.

    Thank you for reassuring me that God is still in my corner. I never left him, or I probably wouldn’t have made it this far. XO Melissa

    February 22, 2013
    Reply
  4. iamnotshe said:

    You rock my friend. I love the fact that you AND I “live out loud”. I don’t know any other way. Angela, my “life coach” says that (in reference to Don) and I assume EVERYONE i know: I am the “emotional” one. I don’t think that is a bad thing. I have some friends who knock me for being “emotional”. To me, life is a bore if i SUCK everything in. It’s not possible, and it’s quite B O R I N G.

    I believe i’ve been told that i’m full of “drama”. I am NOT going to take that to heart. I am just me.

    I am going to try and think how God would see me: As me. As OK, as someone who cares and considers MANY different points of view (which does not make me a majorly stoic parker). Uh uh. But that’s OK. I have a wonderful stoic man, and I have you, Debbie and Heidi who keep me grounded with your TRUTHS and your goodness.

    I believe it IS the artist in us, and the PERCEPTIVENESS in us. We aren’t brain dead. I think feelings are a good thing.

    Thank you for reassuring me that God is still in my corner. I never left him, or I probably wouldn’t have made it this far. XO Melissa

    February 22, 2013
    Reply

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