I’m dragging my feet on this part of the journey

You can tell me that every path or journey in life is unknown and I wouldn’t argue with you. But.

But, there has been a predictable sense about them. One I’ve watchedย walk ahead. They’ve marked the way and left signposts of where to turn or when it’s time to stop and rest. They’ve shown me it’s best not to journey alone, even though I still try to make my own way.

But…here we stand, he and I together, facing the biggest unknown part of the path.

journey

detour

231N sign

FL sign

In the early days of walking together the way was filled with hope and joyful anticipation. Marriage, babies, purposeful work and growing friendships. There were unexpected curves, setbacks and roadblocks but we were young and had family to cheer us on.

We no longer have our parents voices to encourage. Our work separates us from those who know us best. The ones who see past the veneer necessary on some days to do what we do.

The path seems to be heading into a heavy mist that makes sight difficult. I can’t see any signs posted, no directions clearly marking the way.

Our journey together is taking us to retirement which initially filled me with excited anticipation but now fills me with anxiety. I’m straining to see what isn’t to be seen.

I’m trying to live tomorrow instead of continuing to live today.

More than ever I’m missing our parents who never failed to encourage and held much wisdom. I’m flat out scared.

Life is hard to live one day at a time when I’m the one who wants to direct every step.

So I am telling myself to slow down. This isn’t a journey to be rushed but savored. This isn’t a race to win but a trek to finish strong.

There is much grieving on this part of the journey. Grief from not just loss of life but loss of youth and loss of the known or at least familiar. This portion isn’t for the faint of heart even though many days that feels like me.

I am not alone. God has come beside in many ways. He’s just waiting for me to stop looking ahead and recognize he’s next to me in my husband, our children, our friends. He’s there, ahead and he’s here today.

They will name him Immanuel (Hebrew for โ€œGod is with usโ€).
Matthew 1:23 the Message

13 Comments

  1. Sylv_R said:

    Hi Debby,
    I’m in foot-dragging mode today myself. Sometimes I guess we just need to rest in Him more than we do. You say, “Iโ€™m trying to live tomorrow instead of continuing to live today,” and I think that though I may be living more in present, I’ve started turning each day into a job instead of a joy. Blessings to you on your retirement. Don’t be scared. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    November 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Debby Hudson said:

      Our retirement is still 2 years away! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’m having that issue too Sylv.R in forgetting to turn my job into joy and it is joy. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

      November 4, 2016
      Reply
  2. Anne Lyon said:

    Wishing you beautiful serendipities on your present journey! You KNOW they are there!

    November 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Debby Hudson said:

      Yes, Anne, they are there. Thank you for a bold reminder! ๐Ÿ™‚

      November 4, 2016
      Reply
  3. Christy said:

    Sometimes we forget to find the joy in the journey itself don’t we? God’s blessings on you as you make life adjustments Debby!

    November 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Debby Hudson said:

      Thank you Christy. Yes, too often I let life cast a shadow instead of remember the sun (son) is still there.

      November 5, 2016
      Reply
  4. Gabriele said:

    Why, I thought retirement meant you were going to do what you have been holding in reserve all along? Just kidding. I know, the future is still hazy for us, as well.

    November 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Debby Hudson said:

      Ha, ha….a lot of days I’m not sure I have any reserves left! I overthink. We have a little over 2 years still and I want everything planned. I might be just a tad controlling, Gabriele ๐Ÿ˜‰

      November 5, 2016
      Reply
  5. Oh friend, prayers on this time of transition. The changes in life are good but hard too. Love the new blog look.

    November 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Debby Hudson said:

      Thank you Tara. You are so right, even good changes can be hard. We all prefer change to be of our choosing and our making, wouldn’t we?

      November 5, 2016
      Reply
  6. Sheila said:

    Hi Debby, I appreciate your thoughts. I have some of the same fears myself, as we look ahead. My husband and I are mid-50s, and I’m looking toward 60 as a time to dramatically cut back on our work schedule. That’s going to mean a change of location too, as we are living in SE Alaska only because we work here. Unfortunately, we don’t have a set plan yet…too many options to see our way clearly this far out. But I know these next few years will fly by, and before we know it, we’ll need to make concrete plans.

    All this as I am trying to increase my writing and online presence. I feel like we’re on a similar journey / timeline in many ways!

    Just know you’re not alone. As you say, God is there, and you will find the path that is right for you. Blessings as you step forward to the next chapter! ~ Sheila

    November 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Debby Hudson said:

      Hi Sheila – it’s been a while. My fault for not keeping up with you. Since we serve in ministry together (and they have a mandatory retirement) it’s based on Henry’s age. I’m not 60 – yet, but TOO close! We still have a little over 2 years but why not start overthinking this now, right? I wasn’t even thinking about it at your age. Yes, the time will fly. Thanks for your reassuring words.

      November 5, 2016
      Reply
  7. Annie Rim said:

    Oh, this post! I hate parts of the journey that are unmarked!! I want help and advice and direction. What I need, of course, is to turn to God. Prayers for you & Henry as you process this next phase and start to make very real decisions about it.

    November 6, 2016
    Reply

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