I Don’t Fit In {church, music & me}

Much of my childhood I felt I didn’t fit. We moved so much in my junior and senior high school years I didn’t have time to join so I didn’t have time to fit. By the time I figured out the rhythm of this new school we were moving to another state where I’d have to observe and learn again.

Move from Arkansas to Baltimore: note to self: they don’t say y’all here
Move from FL to Utah: LDS means Latter Day Saints (and everyone but me is one)
Move from FL to TX: my seemingly ancient, though kind, English teacher called Jim, in Huckleberry Fin, Negra Jim. hmmm

Fitting in seems important because it feels comfortable and known. Maybe that’s why it surprised me to feel like I fit in with a group of addicts and alcoholics.


I don’t think I can adequately articulate this because I don’t completely understand this. Except that I know I’ve been lost and am found. I’m the sinner saved by grace. Broken and being put back together one jagged edge at a time.

Switch foot isn’t a band whose music you’ll likely hear on Sunday morning. They don’t write what we call praise and worship songs. They’ve gone so far as to resist having their music put in the ‘Christian music’ box. They write music. They are Christians. They view the world through the lens of their faith. That informs their music. I find that refreshing as I’m not a fan of that ‘christian box’.

Beautiful Letdown album by Switchfoot

I like their sound. The crashing guitars, real drums, their energy and passion. The lyrics are a bonus.

In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in,
Until I found out
I don’t belong here

They are singing my song. Words I with which I can connect, learn and grow.

It was a beautiful let down
When you found me here

This song, in particular, reminds me I’ve been found. In each of the 13 schools I attended, He found me. In the nine states we’ve lived, I was found. God found me in his love.

Their words are counter-culture to what is often espoused in today’s Christian circles. They sing of the calling to follow a Savior who wasn’t accepted by his own. This song reminds us following Jesus will bring ridicule and scorn.

We are a beautiful let down,
Painfully uncool,
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures and the fools
Oh what a beautiful let down

This is who I am, where I find myself found. These are my people because they are Jesus’ people. Nothing to prove. Only grace to receive. And the songs final reminder that I don’t belong here. Not on this earth. Our home is in heaven with Christ.


  1. Annie Rim said:

    I love your smiling face peaking above the group. So “you!” 🙂 I so need to remember this: “They are my people because they are Jesus’ people.” I could go on and on about that phrase (partly because I do NOT like “my people!!”) but I will say — I need to remember this. Agree, disagree, etc, etc. We belong to each other because we belong to Jesus.

    March 6, 2017
    • Debby Hudson said:

      I sure need this reminder too Annie. Often for those who are inside the church!

      March 7, 2017

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