Sean looked tired yesterday morning as he sat in his spot in the chapel. We are such creatures of habit. We sit in the same place while we are trying to build new habits into our lives. It was early. The chapel was almost empty. I walked over to give him a hug and ask if he was tired and he mouthed “bad day”.
There are some things that happen over and over and the repetition numbs you. Even good things. But not this. Not when one who has celebrated such success has a relapse. A few weeks ago he was recognized as the runner-up for Man of the Year. He shared, with such freedom, his story to encourage others. The one-year medallion was waiting to be picked up. There was so much hope. So much promise and future. And a slip. A slip we have prayed will not be a long fall.
And a slip. A slip we have prayed will not be a long fall.
I never want to feel numb to the sorrow I feel. How can we show grace if we become numb? How can we love if we don’t feel?
My mind swirls with questions. Do we celebrate too much? Is the crown of success too heavy to wear? We have these monthly awards to celebrate sobriety. We recognize a select few as having shown outstanding progress in all areas, not just sobriety. Recovery is more than not drinking or using.
Is it too much? I asked that aloud yesterday. A few nodded their heads with raised eyebrows as if to say…maybe, yes, maybe it’s too much. But Eric, oh Eric I love your honesty. Eric said, “For what? A year?” He’s been doing these things for a full recovery a year. It’s not too much Eric says.
And I don’t know. I do know, I must always remember we aren’t responsible for another’s recovery. For the success or failure. We merely stand with arms open saying here’s my gift. Take it.
Isn’t that what God is doing with us? All of us. Here it is…Here I am….take it. My gift, my grace, my mercy, my love…to you.
Overwhelm me with that love so I can share it.
And surround Sean with your unending grace.